I won’t lie. This semester hasn’t been easy.
I knew it would be hard. Paige’s birthday was in February,
less than three weeks after we started classes.
I went home a week after and sat with my mom and
cried…sobbed. This grief still hits in unexpected places and times.
I knew I was taking 18 credit hours and I knew it would be
an insane amount of work. And boy, I’ve never been more right about something in
my whole life. There have been points where I felt like I was drowning in math
and English and education.
But what I didn’t know was that those comparisons from last
semester would come back up to the surface. That my relationship with Christ
would be in a very dry season. That things weren’t going to go the way I had
planned.
Because, really, when does life go like we want it to?
But, friends, let me tell you…that is a beautiful thing.
The fact that life doesn’t go like we want it to…that is
beautiful.
Because that means that life always always always goes just like our Jesus wants it to.
Yes, that’s coming from the girl who has had a really hard
semester.
It’s also coming from the girl who has had the support of
amazing friends. Who has found reconciliation in relationships. Who has been
blessed over and over again by the God she serves…the God who is always good.
My goal and desire for next school year was to be an RA. I
knew there was a crazy small chance of this actually happening since Liberty is
very strict and picky on who they put in charge of their residence halls (and
I’m grateful for that!).
But still, when I got that rejection email there was
something in me that wondered: am I just
not good enough?
God started laying on my heart the position just under the
RA’s which is called SLC…I wrote a post about my passion for SLC in this post
not very long ago.
But what I didn’t know was that I was going to go through
interviews and paperwork and more interviews only to get an email that read, “this
note serves to inform you that you have not been selected to be an SLC for the
2016-2017 school year.”
My heart sank and I wondered why…why…why had God placed such
a passion in my heart and determination in my mind only to get rejected again?
Why wasn’t I good enough? What had I done wrong?
I was crushed. I didn’t realize how badly I wanted this
position until it was out of my reach.
But, of course, God was working…just like he always is. He
kept breathing his promises and his grace and love into my disappointment. He
kept telling me this, “You know I still want you to be serving next year. Now,
my Bailey, what’s that going to look like?”
Prayer group leader.
I hadn’t wanted to do it again next year. Don’t get me
wrong, I absolutely LOVED being a prayer group leader this year. But it wasn’t
what I had dreamed of for next year until God kept whispering it into my head
and into my heart.
And when my RA Caitlin mentioned that she’d be moving
buildings (to one I was looking at anyway) and needed prayer group leaders…
Well, I knew that was my place for next year.
So on Wednesday when Caitlin walked in my room and
officially offered me the prayer and life group leader position for her hall
next year, I knew.
I knew that this was God’s plan A.
No matter what I had wanted or envisioned for next year…no
matter if this felt like my plan B or C…this was God’s plan A, his plan all
along for my life and my sophomore year at college.
God has said no to so many things this semester.
He’s said no to easy classes.
He’s said no to RA.
He’s said no to SLC.
He’s said no what I wanted for my life.
But on the flip side…
He’s said yes to having an amazing RA again next year, one
that I’ve grown to love and become great friends with.
He’s said yes to learning and soaking up more knowledge and
wisdom by the day.
He’s said yes to interview practice…and even learning to be
rejected.
He’s said yes to beautiful friendships…to beautiful sunsets
and conversations and people here at this school.
He’s said yes to prayer and life group leader for next year.
He’s said yes to giving me a fabulous roommate for next
year.
He’s said yes to allowing me to go to Tanzania this summer
with my family.
He’s said yes to always being there for me.
He’s said yes to always being good to me.
He’s said yes to doing what is best for me…
He’s said yes to doing his plan A. To making sure that His
plan always plays out, that His desires for my life are fulfilled.
Maybe I’m crazy.
Maybe I’ve just really fallen in love with my Jesus.
Maybe I’m fully learning to trust Him.
But if I have to take a few no’s in order to have Him say
yes to so many incredible things…then I am totally okay with that.
Because I know as a daughter of the King, when He says no to
one thing, He is giving me an even better yes.
So this semester has been hard.
But I wouldn’t trade it for the world because my Jesus is
saying “Yes!” in so many more ways than I could have ever imagined.
And whether you can see it or not, He’s doing that same
thing for you, too.
Trust Him to give you the very best yes in every hard spot,
in the midst of every no and every rejection.
Because that yes from your Father will be so sweet and
beautiful…and you’ll know it’s exactly where He wants you to be. And that is
the best place to be.
~Bailey
