LU: Year One

The shelves are growing bare as I pack my Rubbermaid tubs and suitcases full of picture frames and clothes and books.

All but one of my finals have been taken, my classes finished & assignments complete. Thank you’s have been given to my professors. Books returned to the bookstore.

I’ve already said goodbye to friends who left before me. My dad has already taken the majority of my stuff home.

I didn’t think I’d be sad about the semester ending, about the school year coming to a close.

But Liberty, you’ve surprised me this year.

This year…

I can’t even begin to put into words all that this year has been.

It’s been hard, no doubt. Really, really hard. I’ve missed home and my church and my friends and my family. I’ve struggled through assignments and gotten really bad grades. I’ve cried on the phone with my mom. I’ve been sick away from home- which is basically the worst…ever. I’ve struggled spiritually in ways I didn’t think I would, especially at Liberty. I’ve dealt with friendship drama. God has said no to so many things. Yes, it’s been difficult.

But, my gosh. It’s been so rewarding.

I’ve made more friends than I ever thought I would.

I’ve had professors who not only taught me with excellence, but cared about me and my life.

I’ve stayed up until 3am laughing with friends and talking about anything and everything.

I’ve spent Sunday nights with a leadership team of ten girls who are crazy for Jesus.

I’ve had the best spiritual and life mentors a girl could ask for in my RA’s and SLC’s.

I’ve cried happy tears when my dad surprised me by coming for lunch when I was having one of those hard days.

I’ve laughed…and laughed…and laughed some more with girls who have become like family to me.

I’ve spent time with my family, and it’s been extra sweet and meaningful now that I’m not with them all the time.

I’ve studied and made up for those bad grades, and more than that, I’ve learned SO much.

I’ve taken English classes where God has reminded me just how much I love literature and history and seeing how the two connect. Education classes that made me thrilled to teach and have my own classroom one day. Geography classes where we had fun learning about the world. Communications classes where God took a class that I was dreading and gave me so many great friendships and times of immense fun.

And yes, I’ve struggled spiritually.

But I’ve also grown by leaps and bounds in ways that I still don’t even fully comprehend.

I’ve learned to trust my Jesus through the up’s and down’s of daily life. To lean into Him when I really can’t make it one more breath without Him. To believe in who He is and know Him personally, not just know about Him. To let Him heal me, even when it hurts at first. To believe that He will keep His promises because He is faithful…even when I am faithless. To see and trust that He will bring me out of the desert and onto the mountaintop where I can see His grace in my every step…because I’ve seen and felt Him do it before.

Tears sit in my eyes tonight as I write this, because I simply cannot believe this year – my freshman year of college – is over. It went by in an instant, a beautiful, challenging, incredible, unforgettable instant.

So thank you…

To my professors for teaching me and guiding me in the Lord and in every subject you’ve taught.

To my people back home (my friends, my church, you know who you are) for supporting me and encouraging me and sending me endless letters (which made me smile so very often).

To my family: my mom and dad, brothers and sister, grandparents and aunts and uncles, for sending me texts (and pound cake!!) and calling and checking in on your favorite granddaughter ;) your love, visits, and support means more than you’ll ever know. Seriously.

To every single one of my friends at Liberty for being the best…ever. For making me laugh, for cheering me up when I’m sad, for being my family away from home. For being there. You’ve helped me fill this year with some of my very favorite memories…I can’t wait to make more.

To Liberty University for being so much more than I ever thought it would be. This time here (and over the next three years) has been and will be incredible. And I wouldn’t want to be any where else experiencing this chapter in my life.

And to my Jesus, for pulling me back to Him every time I stray even just a little bit and for keeping me in tune with Him every step of the way.

As I close out freshman year and head home for a summer with some of my favorite people, I am so so so thankful. And I cannot wait to see what sophomore year has in store.

If it’s anything like this year, then I know I’m in for a fantastic ride.

~Bailey

When God Says No (Part 2)

I won’t lie. This semester hasn’t been easy.

I knew it would be hard. Paige’s birthday was in February, less than three weeks after we started classes.

I went home a week after and sat with my mom and cried…sobbed. This grief still hits in unexpected places and times.

I knew I was taking 18 credit hours and I knew it would be an insane amount of work. And boy, I’ve never been more right about something in my whole life. There have been points where I felt like I was drowning in math and English and education.

But what I didn’t know was that those comparisons from last semester would come back up to the surface. That my relationship with Christ would be in a very dry season. That things weren’t going to go the way I had planned.

Because, really, when does life go like we want it to?

But, friends, let me tell you…that is a beautiful thing.

The fact that life doesn’t go like we want it to…that is beautiful.

Because that means that life always always always goes just like our Jesus wants it to.

Yes, that’s coming from the girl who has had a really hard semester.

It’s also coming from the girl who has had the support of amazing friends. Who has found reconciliation in relationships. Who has been blessed over and over again by the God she serves…the God who is always good.

My goal and desire for next school year was to be an RA. I knew there was a crazy small chance of this actually happening since Liberty is very strict and picky on who they put in charge of their residence halls (and I’m grateful for that!).

But still, when I got that rejection email there was something in me that wondered: am I just not good enough?

God started laying on my heart the position just under the RA’s which is called SLC…I wrote a post about my passion for SLC in this post not very long ago.

But what I didn’t know was that I was going to go through interviews and paperwork and more interviews only to get an email that read, “this note serves to inform you that you have not been selected to be an SLC for the 2016-2017 school year.”

My heart sank and I wondered why…why…why had God placed such a passion in my heart and determination in my mind only to get rejected again? Why wasn’t I good enough? What had I done wrong?

I was crushed. I didn’t realize how badly I wanted this position until it was out of my reach.

But, of course, God was working…just like he always is. He kept breathing his promises and his grace and love into my disappointment. He kept telling me this, “You know I still want you to be serving next year. Now, my Bailey, what’s that going to look like?”

Prayer group leader.

I hadn’t wanted to do it again next year. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVED being a prayer group leader this year. But it wasn’t what I had dreamed of for next year until God kept whispering it into my head and into my heart.

And when my RA Caitlin mentioned that she’d be moving buildings (to one I was looking at anyway) and needed prayer group leaders…

Well, I knew that was my place for next year.

So on Wednesday when Caitlin walked in my room and officially offered me the prayer and life group leader position for her hall next year, I knew.

I knew that this was God’s plan A.

No matter what I had wanted or envisioned for next year…no matter if this felt like my plan B or C…this was God’s plan A, his plan all along for my life and my sophomore year at college.

God has said no to so many things this semester.

He’s said no to easy classes.

He’s said no to RA.

He’s said no to SLC.

He’s said no what I wanted for my life.

But on the flip side…

He’s said yes to having an amazing RA again next year, one that I’ve grown to love and become great friends with.

He’s said yes to learning and soaking up more knowledge and wisdom by the day.

He’s said yes to interview practice…and even learning to be rejected.

He’s said yes to beautiful friendships…to beautiful sunsets and conversations and people here at this school.

He’s said yes to prayer and life group leader for next year.

He’s said yes to giving me a fabulous roommate for next year.

He’s said yes to allowing me to go to Tanzania this summer with my family.

He’s said yes to always being there for me.

He’s said yes to always being good to me.

He’s said yes to doing what is best for me…

He’s said yes to doing his plan A. To making sure that His plan always plays out, that His desires for my life are fulfilled.

Maybe I’m crazy.

Maybe I’ve just really fallen in love with my Jesus.

Maybe I’m fully learning to trust Him.

But if I have to take a few no’s in order to have Him say yes to so many incredible things…then I am totally okay with that.

Because I know as a daughter of the King, when He says no to one thing, He is giving me an even better yes.

So this semester has been hard.

But I wouldn’t trade it for the world because my Jesus is saying “Yes!” in so many more ways than I could have ever imagined.

And whether you can see it or not, He’s doing that same thing for you, too.

Trust Him to give you the very best yes in every hard spot, in the midst of every no and every rejection.

Because that yes from your Father will be so sweet and beautiful…and you’ll know it’s exactly where He wants you to be. And that is the best place to be.

~Bailey

To focus on heavenly things

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Why didn't I get an A on this paper like ____?

Why doesn't my hair/outfit/make up look as good as her's?

Why does she have a cute relationship with a boy who loves Jesus and I don't?

Why does my life seem so stressful and hers look so Pinterest-y perfect?

Why do I stutter giving presentations when no one else does?

Why didn't I make it for RA and she/he did?

Why does her relationship with the Lord look so much better than mine?

Why do I struggle with this and she/he doesn't?

Why do I...

Why don't I...

Why does she...

Comparison is the thief of joy.

~~~~~~

Tonight I sat in a time of devotion with seven other girls on my hall as my RA shared what the Lord has been laying on her heart, about keeping her mind focused on heavenly things.

So often in this crazy mess we call life, our day to day activities frustrate us and bring us to tears and our thoughts worry and fear and and question and wander so very far away from Jesus.

We think things about people, about classes, about homework, about our jobs and every.little.detail. that we come across that are *to put it simply* ugly. If our thoughts were written out in ink, so often they would be thick and black and chunky and clumpy and no one would want to look at them or claim them or admit that they, too, think those same things.

Those thoughts, those negative emotions our minds-my mind- are so often fixed on are not heavenly things. They are not eternal things.

Because when you think about it, this life is so short.

The days may drag by slowly, but when I look back, I can't help but think, "Where did the last eighteen years go?"

And I can't help but wonder, "What have I been thinking and saying and doing? Does it reflect heavenly things? Or does it reflect...me...and my own selfish gain?"

Because if we are not living for Christ, this life means nothing. He is all that matters and all that will ever matter.

So are we fixing our minds on heavenly things?

~~~~~~

My mom told me over and over again, my best friends remind me so often that comparison is the thief of joy.

What good will it do, anyway?

None.

And I know that.

But when someone's outfit is adorable...or that couple looks so cute on Instagram...or when you know someone didn't study and they still got an A on that test you slaved over...

Comparison is the natural human reaction. But it is still sinful. 

Just because it's natural doesn't make it any less wrong.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Comparison does not fall under that category...that category and idea of "thinking on heavenly things."

When Philippians 4:8-9 says, "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things," this does not include comparison.

This does not include envy over an outfit or a relationship or a haircut or a grade.

This includes thankfulness. And peace. And comfort. And rest in our Jesus who has given us all that we need, who gives us more than enough grace for each and every day because he is always good. 

And if He is always good, then there is always enough grace, always enough joy, always enough peace and rest and assurance that I have all I need in Him and Him alone...

There is always enough of Jesus to cover my shortcomings, to whisper to me in the darkest and most secretive places of my heart that He sees me as righteous. That I am His and I am loved and it doesn't matter what the world thinks or even what I think...because I am a daughter of the King, a daughter of the God who breathed the stars and still knows every hair on my head.

Because He is enough and I am His, there is no need for comparison.

There is only a need for heavenly thoughts, for fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith (Heb. 12:1-2). 


And as I begin this week of midterms and tests and interviews, I'm leaning hard into my Jesus who is strong in my weaknesses. I'm resting in His love and His plan. I'm casting aside thoughts of this world and thoughts of comparison. And with my whole head and my heart I'm going to do everything I can to focus on my Jesus.

I'm going to set my mind on "things that are above, not on things that are on this earth" (Col. 3:2).

It's gonna be hard. The enemy is going to fight me.

But my God is enough, and with Him by my side, I can face any battle, any comparison, any fearful thought...and I can come out victorious and full of joy.


~Bailey

When God Says No

I had this dream, this desire that I wanted to be an RA next year.  Yes, it would be a lot of work.  Yes, a big responsibility.  Yes, a big chance I wouldn’t even make it.

But I went for it.  I took hours upon hours filling out the application.  I did the interviews.  And then I began to wait.

It was three weeks of waiting, waiting to see if I even made it to the next step in training.  Waiting that happened to be during Christmas break and Passion.

I wrote about Passion in this post, about Christine Caine’s message that the bravest thing we can be is a servant of the Lord.

A servant.

Before we can be servants, we must be willing to do the dirty work, to do what it takes to get that high title from Jesus Christ.

It was then that God began whispering, RA isn’t for you next year, Bailey.  SLC is.  You need another year of preparation, of me shaping you into who I want you to be.

Here at Liberty we have three leadership positions on each hall, a Prayer and Life Group Leader who leads a group of five or six girls in a small group every Wednesday night (that’s me this year), a Spiritual Life Coach who reaches out to the Prayer Group Leaders and the girls on the hall, and then RA’s.

SLC wasn’t something I had really considered…until Passion.  Until God began whispering into my life, Not RA, but SLC.  Not the head leadership spot, but the one where you are serving, where you are continually being shaped by Me.

At first I ignored it, I wanted to be an RA and nothing else. And when I came back to school in January, that’s all I had on my mind: RA, RA, RA.

But the longer I waited to hear if I made it through first cuts…the more God was telling me no, the more He was telling me that’s not what He wanted for me, the more my heart was being put in tune with his desires for me…and maybe that was SLC.

And so I began filling out the application for SLC.  I did the interview.

And when that email came from the office of student leadership saying that I didn’t make it through first cuts for RA, my heart sunk.  But then somehow in the same moment, this feeling of relief washed over me.  This feeling of peace settled down in my heart because God had made it clear that He didn’t want me to be an RA. His desires for me were very different.

God had said no.  But when I looked out at the sunset that night, I knew it was going to be okay.  This no wasn't the end of the world.

You’ll hear from people that God will never say no when you pray for something.  I’d like to tell you just the opposite.  Yes, He will always answer our prayers, but it won’t always be like we want them to be answered.

He’s going to say no sometimes.

I prayed for RA, I prayed for months that this was what He wanted for me.  But God said no.

Here’s the beautiful thing though: when God says no to one dream, He is always saying yes to another one.

He is saying no to what WE have planned and saying yes to what HE has planned for our lives.  It’s beautiful really, because when we think things are falling apart and God has ignored what we want, He is still keeping out best interests in mind.

He just wants to protect us, to give us the very best he has to offer.

Which is why I wait now for SLC.

Which is why He is breathing in me a new, beautiful, incredible dream for what awaits me in my future (which is a whole post in itself).

Which is why I’m trusting in Him, knowing that when He said no to RA, He also said yes to so many other things that I could have never imagined.

So just know the next time God tells you no, even though it doesn’t feel like it, He’s saying yes to something so much greater for you…and for me, too.

Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

And I’m so grateful for His no’s.  Because in turn, He says yes.  And every time He says yes, it’s always been so much greater than what I could have ever asked for.

~Bailey

P.S. Just after I found out I didn’t make it for RA, I found out that I’ll be going to Tanzania this summer. It’s been three years since I went to Uganda and I could not be more excited to be returning to Africa.  Such a great yes from my Father! Please join us in praying as we begin raising funds for our whole family (yes, all six of us!) to go to Tanzania.

Passion 2016

I didn’t know my heart needed wrecking until the Lord came and brought the most beautiful wave of truth across my life.

I didn’t realize how much I had been missing Paige until I heard the testimony of a church planter named Levi Lusko who lost his daughter when she was five years old to an asthma attack.

I didn’t ever occur to me just how convicted I was about using my writing and my life for His glory until Christine Caine said that the greatest title we could ever gain in life was being called Christ’s servant.

Let me back up a little bit.

This weekend I traveled with the college ministry at my church to a conference in Atlanta, Georgia called Passion.  It was my second time attending this conference, but this time around God moved in me and around me more than I could have ever asked for or imagined. 

Passion is a conference that has been taking place for the last nineteen years, a gathering of college students, a generation united for Jesus’ fame and glory.  Each year we are given the opportunity to hear from world renowned Christian speakers, authors, pastors and musicians.  This year we had the privilege to hear from Louie Giglio, John Piper, Ravi Zacharias, Christine Caine, Levi Lusko, Chris Tomlin, Hillsong United, the Passion Band, Matt Redman, Christy Nockels, Rend Collective, and David Crowder.  

Oh, and did I mention it took place in THREE arenas in two different cities with a total of 40,000 students and their leaders?

Yes, it was incredible. If I haven’t convinced you of how awesome it is, just keep reading. 

We arrived on Saturday night and I left that night and headed back to our hotel so filled with the Holy Spirit and the joy He brings that I thought I might burst.  The next morning, however, I should have known that God was trying to show me huge things because I could feel the enemy vying for my attention. 

I began to get frustrated with simple things: it took us forever to get into the arena, we missed part of my favorite band, it was *according to me in the moment* 1,000 degrees where we were sitting, and I was starting to get a headache.

But then God said, “Just stop complaining and listen for half of a second, just remember why you are here.”

So I breathed in deep and did just that.  

It was then that Levi Lusko came on stage and began to share his testimony.  He began by telling us about the church that he and his wife had planted and how much God had been doing in their lives in the last ten years.

Then things shifted as he began to share that his five year old daughter had passed away three years ago from something so preventable, an asthma attack.  

Tears immediately filled my eyes and I thought back to three years ago when we lost Paige just as unexpectedly. 

He continued to tell us about how God had been glorified in the next few days when two of her nurses came to believe in Jesus Christ at their church’s Christmas Eve service that took place just days after her death.  He told us how God had begun to heal and put his family back together after going through such huge tragedy.

Tears fell down my cheeks as he spoke with such certainty about the sovereignty of God.

Because even within these past few months, especially the last couple weeks, I’ve missed Paige more than I have in a long time.  I’ve started asking God once again why He took her, why I can’t have her here as I walk through college and face the challenges that it brings.  I’ve wondered why Christmas hasn’t been the same since she’s been gone.  

But as I sat listening to his testimony, God wrapped His arms around me and reminded me that all of this has a purpose, and that purpose is that He may be glorified.  He reminded me that if I viewed suffering as a bad thing, that’s what it would become.  But if I viewed trials and suffering as a way to grow closer to Him and to glorify my Savior, that’s what it would become.

In the words of Levi Lusko, “Suffering is not an obstacle, but an opportunity to be used by God.”

Words can’t convey how much healing the Lord brought me as I sat in Phillips Arena with one of my best friend’s arm around me while I sobbed and Levi Lusko prayed over those longing for healing and hope in the midst of grief, prayed for us to see trials and suffering as a blessing in disguise. 

I left that session in awe of God, but little did I know what that night would bring.

Last year we got to hear Christine Caine speak, so I knew that her message for us would be nothing short of amazing. 

Little did I know God had even more reminders for me.

Long story short, she spoke about how the greatest people in the Bible we called servants of God.  Before Joshua was a servant of God, he was Moses’ aide, meaning that he served in the background for years on end while God built his character and prepared him for being a servant of God.

She pointed out that so often we want to be a servant like Moses without first putting in the unseen and hard work of an aide like Joshua.  But we must be willing to be an aide to Jesus Christ and those around us so that God can prepare us for the straining work of being a servant.  

He needs to build my character while I am an aide so that in my life and in my heart, the spotlight on Christ is greater than the spotlight on me. 

When it came down to it, she challenged us to do the hard work to reach all of the nations for His glory, trusting that God’s ability is greater than any of our human limitations.  To believe that impossible is where Jesus begins, miracles are what He does, and that we are able to complete the calling and the dreams He’s put in our lives in His power.

God reminded me that He gave me a love for writing not for myself, but for those who need to hear the good news, for those who need to know that He has a plan for their lives.  He reminded me that whether I end up being a teacher in a title one school on the east coast, or in a small Ugandan village, there will be people who need to hear about Jesus.  No matter where I end up or what I end up doing day in and day out, my purpose remains the same: to bring glory to His name and share His love with all people.  

Even as I write this, I can’t put all that He has done into words.  All I can say is that I’ve never been more excited to start a year as I am about 2016 because I know that my Jesus has such an amazing future planned for me.

But for now I’m going to write.  I’m going to love my family and pour into the lives’ of my friends.  I’m going to learn and prepare myself for whatever He has in store.  And I’m going to depend on and fall in love with Jesus more and more every day, pursuing His heart and His Word more than I ever have before. 

So here’s to 2016 and my Jesus and the hope that I have, we all have, in Him.

~Bailey