Passion 2016

I didn’t know my heart needed wrecking until the Lord came and brought the most beautiful wave of truth across my life.

I didn’t realize how much I had been missing Paige until I heard the testimony of a church planter named Levi Lusko who lost his daughter when she was five years old to an asthma attack.

I didn’t ever occur to me just how convicted I was about using my writing and my life for His glory until Christine Caine said that the greatest title we could ever gain in life was being called Christ’s servant.

Let me back up a little bit.

This weekend I traveled with the college ministry at my church to a conference in Atlanta, Georgia called Passion.  It was my second time attending this conference, but this time around God moved in me and around me more than I could have ever asked for or imagined. 

Passion is a conference that has been taking place for the last nineteen years, a gathering of college students, a generation united for Jesus’ fame and glory.  Each year we are given the opportunity to hear from world renowned Christian speakers, authors, pastors and musicians.  This year we had the privilege to hear from Louie Giglio, John Piper, Ravi Zacharias, Christine Caine, Levi Lusko, Chris Tomlin, Hillsong United, the Passion Band, Matt Redman, Christy Nockels, Rend Collective, and David Crowder.  

Oh, and did I mention it took place in THREE arenas in two different cities with a total of 40,000 students and their leaders?

Yes, it was incredible. If I haven’t convinced you of how awesome it is, just keep reading. 

We arrived on Saturday night and I left that night and headed back to our hotel so filled with the Holy Spirit and the joy He brings that I thought I might burst.  The next morning, however, I should have known that God was trying to show me huge things because I could feel the enemy vying for my attention. 

I began to get frustrated with simple things: it took us forever to get into the arena, we missed part of my favorite band, it was *according to me in the moment* 1,000 degrees where we were sitting, and I was starting to get a headache.

But then God said, “Just stop complaining and listen for half of a second, just remember why you are here.”

So I breathed in deep and did just that.  

It was then that Levi Lusko came on stage and began to share his testimony.  He began by telling us about the church that he and his wife had planted and how much God had been doing in their lives in the last ten years.

Then things shifted as he began to share that his five year old daughter had passed away three years ago from something so preventable, an asthma attack.  

Tears immediately filled my eyes and I thought back to three years ago when we lost Paige just as unexpectedly. 

He continued to tell us about how God had been glorified in the next few days when two of her nurses came to believe in Jesus Christ at their church’s Christmas Eve service that took place just days after her death.  He told us how God had begun to heal and put his family back together after going through such huge tragedy.

Tears fell down my cheeks as he spoke with such certainty about the sovereignty of God.

Because even within these past few months, especially the last couple weeks, I’ve missed Paige more than I have in a long time.  I’ve started asking God once again why He took her, why I can’t have her here as I walk through college and face the challenges that it brings.  I’ve wondered why Christmas hasn’t been the same since she’s been gone.  

But as I sat listening to his testimony, God wrapped His arms around me and reminded me that all of this has a purpose, and that purpose is that He may be glorified.  He reminded me that if I viewed suffering as a bad thing, that’s what it would become.  But if I viewed trials and suffering as a way to grow closer to Him and to glorify my Savior, that’s what it would become.

In the words of Levi Lusko, “Suffering is not an obstacle, but an opportunity to be used by God.”

Words can’t convey how much healing the Lord brought me as I sat in Phillips Arena with one of my best friend’s arm around me while I sobbed and Levi Lusko prayed over those longing for healing and hope in the midst of grief, prayed for us to see trials and suffering as a blessing in disguise. 

I left that session in awe of God, but little did I know what that night would bring.

Last year we got to hear Christine Caine speak, so I knew that her message for us would be nothing short of amazing. 

Little did I know God had even more reminders for me.

Long story short, she spoke about how the greatest people in the Bible we called servants of God.  Before Joshua was a servant of God, he was Moses’ aide, meaning that he served in the background for years on end while God built his character and prepared him for being a servant of God.

She pointed out that so often we want to be a servant like Moses without first putting in the unseen and hard work of an aide like Joshua.  But we must be willing to be an aide to Jesus Christ and those around us so that God can prepare us for the straining work of being a servant.  

He needs to build my character while I am an aide so that in my life and in my heart, the spotlight on Christ is greater than the spotlight on me. 

When it came down to it, she challenged us to do the hard work to reach all of the nations for His glory, trusting that God’s ability is greater than any of our human limitations.  To believe that impossible is where Jesus begins, miracles are what He does, and that we are able to complete the calling and the dreams He’s put in our lives in His power.

God reminded me that He gave me a love for writing not for myself, but for those who need to hear the good news, for those who need to know that He has a plan for their lives.  He reminded me that whether I end up being a teacher in a title one school on the east coast, or in a small Ugandan village, there will be people who need to hear about Jesus.  No matter where I end up or what I end up doing day in and day out, my purpose remains the same: to bring glory to His name and share His love with all people.  

Even as I write this, I can’t put all that He has done into words.  All I can say is that I’ve never been more excited to start a year as I am about 2016 because I know that my Jesus has such an amazing future planned for me.

But for now I’m going to write.  I’m going to love my family and pour into the lives’ of my friends.  I’m going to learn and prepare myself for whatever He has in store.  And I’m going to depend on and fall in love with Jesus more and more every day, pursuing His heart and His Word more than I ever have before. 

So here’s to 2016 and my Jesus and the hope that I have, we all have, in Him.

~Bailey

And We're Off!

Wow! It's the 20th of January and I've spent more days this year in a hotel than in my own house!

But I'm not complaining!

First up was a trip to Disney World celebrating my upcoming High School graduation. We got to meet so many fun characters AND spend an entire week as a family. Not to mention we got to go with my best friend and her family. It was an unforgettable week!

{Again: picture overload! If you follow me on Instagram you've probably seen most of these pictures already.}

It was still decorated for Christmas and I couldn't have been happier.

Yes. I was the 17 year old waiting in line to meet all of the princesses.

Mandatory "It's a Small World" selfie.

Sonia and me in front of Rapunzel's tower.

We ate lunch at the Be Our Guest restaurant inside the Beast's castle. It was so beautiful I almost cried. *no lie*

The boys were almost as excited to meet Rapunzel as Sonia and I were!

Magic Kingdom is the most magical place of all.

Hollywood Studios!

Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen!

Another group picture!

Mary Poppins! We met her, Alice, The Mad Hatter, Tigger and Pooh at 1900 Park Fare for a character breakfast.

Proof that, yes, we saw Anna and Elsa. But no! We didn't wait in the two+ hour line to meet them.

Snow White...

And Belle!

Epcot in the evening!

Animal Kingdom.

Nemo the Musical!

Then less than a week after we returned from Disney I had the incredible opportunity to travel to Atlanta, GA with a group from my church for Passion 2015! If you don't know what that is, here's a brief explanation: it's a conference for 18-25 year olds(and high school seniors) who want to worship Jesus and grow closer to Him. Musicians include people like Chris Tomlin, Christy Nockels, Kristian Stanfill, Matt Redman and David Crowder. The speakers for this year were Louie Giglio, Christine Caine, and Lecrae. I've watched the live stream of this conference for five years now and it was worth every second of the wait. Needless to say it was three of the best days of my whole entire life.

Courtney and I extremely excited for our first Passion.

Megan, Kristen and me!

The cross and Jesus were the center of our whole weekend.

Community/family groups were fantastic! 

I got the chance to meet up with my lovely cousin, Mary-Gwen and her husband.

This was my family group- seven girls I had never met before and will never forget! They were SO sweet and even though we've all been through incredibly different things we were united through our relationship with Jesus.

Matchy-matchy with the girls.

Seriously- I've never experienced God's Presence like I did this past weekend. He spoke so clearly to me (and the 12,000 other students in attendance) and I will never forget all that the Lord did. We were able to worship Him with nothing else in the way. It was so very beautiful. 

Obviously it's been an incredible beginning to 2015. I can tell that God has amazing things in store for this year and I can't wait to see what else He has planned!

~Bailey

"Like a bride waiting for her groom, we'll be a church ready for you, every heart longing for the King. We sing. Even so come, Lord Jesus come."

Memorizing Moments.

"Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up,
I could still be little.
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple...

Oh darlin' don't you ever grow up."

{Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift}

I took the SAT Saturday. College is a normal conversation. Senior year is quickly approaching.

So many decisions. So many important conversations.

And there is nothing in me that wants to grow up.

I want to stay 16. I want to keep babysitting and spending my nights editing and writing...and reading. I want to spend my Fridays going to the movies with my friends, laughing so hard that we cry. Because right now life is pretty awesome. It's relaxed and it's beautiful.

But time won't stand still.

Each day the sun rises and sets. With each new rising of the sun, I get another day older...another day closer to growing up.

It makes me really sad, actually. I love this season. I love where the Lord has me and what He has me doing.

Again...there's nothing I can do. I can't slow down time, can't make the days go any slower.

All I can do is live and make the most of every single moment, every single opportunity the Lord gives me.

Last night I sat reading out in our great room (we call it that because it's a really great room) and in the rest of the house I could hear my dad singing to the music he had playing..."Home" by Phillip Phillips. Sonia and J-man were laughing, my mom was making dinner. William sat across the room from me, reading a book on his Kindle.

I closed my eyes and memorized the moment. I memorized the way things sounded. The way things felt..and I smiled.

About a week ago we FaceTimed with my {adopted} big sister and her two girls. They live in California, her husband is stationed at the Navy base there. We hadn't talked in forever and it was SO good to catch up a bit and see those two sweet girls. We laughed over past memories and hoped to see each other soon.

After hanging up, I closed my eyes and memorized that moment. Harper is just 17 months old, little McKinley was born in April. Soon enough they'll be in school...going to college and I'll feel super old.

Friday night, several friends and I went to see The Amazing Spider-man 2(which, if you're wondering was AMAZING!). Courtney, Caroline, Emily Grace, Jenna and I all sat in a row in the theater waiting for the movie to start. Courtney-loudly-burst out into the Spider-man theme song and we all DIED laughing. In the end, the entire theater gave her a round of applause. After the movie ended, we stood in the parking lot discussing a major plot twist, laughing and being girls.

On the way home, I sat in the back seat and closed my eyes memorizing that entire night, memorizing that sweet night with my dearest friends.

Sunday night we had the children's choir production at church. I volunteer with the children's choir every Sunday night- I love those kids. Anyway, we stood around after the program and laughed and talked and we may have even played some tag around the sanctuary! But they asked to take pictures and came for hugs...



And yes, I closed my eyes and remembered how little they all were. I made my self memorize the moments when they were on stage singing and I smiled at their faces as they sang with all they had to praise the Lord.

During the program, I looked at the converse on my feet...the toes which read, "I love Paige Elizabeth." The ones I had gotten to match hers which read "I love Bailey Elizabeth." I thought of how many of these kids she had invested in...and how I was now getting the chance to pour into their lives. And I memorized the thankfulness in my heart for the job she left me with- to love these kids.

In a couple years, I'll most likely be away at college. I'll be sitting in my dorm room, studying for final exams and I'll close my eyes and remember the way things felt when I was just 16.

So I'm going to try to do that more. Try and close my eyes every so often and memorize the moment I'm in- no matter how crazy it is. Because in all reality, I'm going to miss them.

And memories of moments like the ones last night- the ordinary nights at home- are going to bring familiarity to the newness of college life. They are going to bring comfort and laughter and joy.

I can't slow down time...but I can hold onto the days and memories even today.

Here's to living abundantly in Christ and memorizing moments!

~Bailey

John 10:10, "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

Read Books. Go Places.

Over the years, I have read a great many books.

Some were novels. Some story-books.

Some were read to me. Some I read myself.

Nevertheless, a book is a marvelous thing. Words strung together, sentences paired, conversations created to make something wondrous, sometimes even adventurous.

When I was younger, I loved to have stories read to me. Sometimes at night we would sit in the living room, gathered together, reading books together as a family. If dad didn't read, he without a doubt fell asleep. But when he did read, the stories seemed to come to life a little bit more.

Around age twelve or thirteen, my mom insisted I read a book entitled, Little Women. It seemed dull, boring and I didn't want to read it. When I became bored one day with nothing to do, I finally gave in and began devouring the pages. The characters were enchanting, the writing beautiful and the story captivating. I fell in love with the lives of Jo, Beth, Amy, Meg, and Laurie, too, of course. This story of four Little Women became my first favorite book.

My best friend began suggesting books, and to her, I wasn't really a reader. She, however, was a reader. Emily read books all the time, she always had a new story to share with me. One day she basically handed me a book and said, "Read this." I read it. And after reading Little Women and several others, I guess you could officially say I was a reader.

Because I am a reader, I am a writer. New books still captivate me with their stories and characters, if they are good books.

I learn to write by reading. I better my writing by reading things by better authors than me.

But in every book I read, I go somewhere new. I learn new things.

In each page turned, in each character I read about, my imagination grows.

In each scenario, each place I read about, I go somewhere new.

Some people say reading books is a boring thing to do.

When you read books, your imagination is given the chance to grow, to go places you would have never dreamed of going.

When a character dies, when you finish a fabulous book, your heart aches and it feels as if you are leaving a piece of you behind.

So I sit here writing, hoping you will read this, or at least read something.

Because I go places in my writing, in this gift He has given me.

God, for His glory, has given us the gift of imagination. Use it.

Read books. Go places.

~Bailey