Passion 2016

I didn’t know my heart needed wrecking until the Lord came and brought the most beautiful wave of truth across my life.

I didn’t realize how much I had been missing Paige until I heard the testimony of a church planter named Levi Lusko who lost his daughter when she was five years old to an asthma attack.

I didn’t ever occur to me just how convicted I was about using my writing and my life for His glory until Christine Caine said that the greatest title we could ever gain in life was being called Christ’s servant.

Let me back up a little bit.

This weekend I traveled with the college ministry at my church to a conference in Atlanta, Georgia called Passion.  It was my second time attending this conference, but this time around God moved in me and around me more than I could have ever asked for or imagined. 

Passion is a conference that has been taking place for the last nineteen years, a gathering of college students, a generation united for Jesus’ fame and glory.  Each year we are given the opportunity to hear from world renowned Christian speakers, authors, pastors and musicians.  This year we had the privilege to hear from Louie Giglio, John Piper, Ravi Zacharias, Christine Caine, Levi Lusko, Chris Tomlin, Hillsong United, the Passion Band, Matt Redman, Christy Nockels, Rend Collective, and David Crowder.  

Oh, and did I mention it took place in THREE arenas in two different cities with a total of 40,000 students and their leaders?

Yes, it was incredible. If I haven’t convinced you of how awesome it is, just keep reading. 

We arrived on Saturday night and I left that night and headed back to our hotel so filled with the Holy Spirit and the joy He brings that I thought I might burst.  The next morning, however, I should have known that God was trying to show me huge things because I could feel the enemy vying for my attention. 

I began to get frustrated with simple things: it took us forever to get into the arena, we missed part of my favorite band, it was *according to me in the moment* 1,000 degrees where we were sitting, and I was starting to get a headache.

But then God said, “Just stop complaining and listen for half of a second, just remember why you are here.”

So I breathed in deep and did just that.  

It was then that Levi Lusko came on stage and began to share his testimony.  He began by telling us about the church that he and his wife had planted and how much God had been doing in their lives in the last ten years.

Then things shifted as he began to share that his five year old daughter had passed away three years ago from something so preventable, an asthma attack.  

Tears immediately filled my eyes and I thought back to three years ago when we lost Paige just as unexpectedly. 

He continued to tell us about how God had been glorified in the next few days when two of her nurses came to believe in Jesus Christ at their church’s Christmas Eve service that took place just days after her death.  He told us how God had begun to heal and put his family back together after going through such huge tragedy.

Tears fell down my cheeks as he spoke with such certainty about the sovereignty of God.

Because even within these past few months, especially the last couple weeks, I’ve missed Paige more than I have in a long time.  I’ve started asking God once again why He took her, why I can’t have her here as I walk through college and face the challenges that it brings.  I’ve wondered why Christmas hasn’t been the same since she’s been gone.  

But as I sat listening to his testimony, God wrapped His arms around me and reminded me that all of this has a purpose, and that purpose is that He may be glorified.  He reminded me that if I viewed suffering as a bad thing, that’s what it would become.  But if I viewed trials and suffering as a way to grow closer to Him and to glorify my Savior, that’s what it would become.

In the words of Levi Lusko, “Suffering is not an obstacle, but an opportunity to be used by God.”

Words can’t convey how much healing the Lord brought me as I sat in Phillips Arena with one of my best friend’s arm around me while I sobbed and Levi Lusko prayed over those longing for healing and hope in the midst of grief, prayed for us to see trials and suffering as a blessing in disguise. 

I left that session in awe of God, but little did I know what that night would bring.

Last year we got to hear Christine Caine speak, so I knew that her message for us would be nothing short of amazing. 

Little did I know God had even more reminders for me.

Long story short, she spoke about how the greatest people in the Bible we called servants of God.  Before Joshua was a servant of God, he was Moses’ aide, meaning that he served in the background for years on end while God built his character and prepared him for being a servant of God.

She pointed out that so often we want to be a servant like Moses without first putting in the unseen and hard work of an aide like Joshua.  But we must be willing to be an aide to Jesus Christ and those around us so that God can prepare us for the straining work of being a servant.  

He needs to build my character while I am an aide so that in my life and in my heart, the spotlight on Christ is greater than the spotlight on me. 

When it came down to it, she challenged us to do the hard work to reach all of the nations for His glory, trusting that God’s ability is greater than any of our human limitations.  To believe that impossible is where Jesus begins, miracles are what He does, and that we are able to complete the calling and the dreams He’s put in our lives in His power.

God reminded me that He gave me a love for writing not for myself, but for those who need to hear the good news, for those who need to know that He has a plan for their lives.  He reminded me that whether I end up being a teacher in a title one school on the east coast, or in a small Ugandan village, there will be people who need to hear about Jesus.  No matter where I end up or what I end up doing day in and day out, my purpose remains the same: to bring glory to His name and share His love with all people.  

Even as I write this, I can’t put all that He has done into words.  All I can say is that I’ve never been more excited to start a year as I am about 2016 because I know that my Jesus has such an amazing future planned for me.

But for now I’m going to write.  I’m going to love my family and pour into the lives’ of my friends.  I’m going to learn and prepare myself for whatever He has in store.  And I’m going to depend on and fall in love with Jesus more and more every day, pursuing His heart and His Word more than I ever have before. 

So here’s to 2016 and my Jesus and the hope that I have, we all have, in Him.

~Bailey

Faithful God

“When we look back and see trials, God sees testimony. When we look back and see suffering, He sees blessing.” -David Nasser

Faithful: loyal, constant, and steadfast

- - - - - -

When I came to visit Liberty back in January, Kari Jobe sang “Great I Am.”  For those of you that are new around here, one of my best friends, Paige, passed away in 2012 and this was her favorite worship song.  Since then it has become my anthem, one that is still emotional and heart wrenching, but so very powerful.

Back to January.  I wrote about this experience in convocation (chapel) in this post, explaining how the Lord was further convincing me that Liberty was where I needed to be.

- - - - - -

Last Wednesday night, I was sitting in campus church and they began to sing “Never Once.”

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Tears filled my eyes as I remembered the Sunday after Paige passed away when I sat in church sobbing while they played this song, wondering how in the world my “faithful” God let her die, how He took her from me.

Again on Sunday morning in church, they played the same song and again I pictured little 15 year old Bailey sitting in church crying, questioning God, angry at Him.

But as the tears started to fall down my cheeks, I was only able to reflect on the last three years and all that God has done to bring me where I am today.

Today I am no longer bitter or angry with God. No, I am completely the opposite. I am thankful to Him for refining me and bringing me through the fire.

Today I no longer question Him and His plan for my life because I know He has my best interest in mind, no matter how hard it may seem in the moment.

Today when a trial comes my way, I hold fast to my Jesus. I hold fast to Him and the promises He’s made to me.


When I shared my testimony with some of my friends here at school, I found myself in tears over God’s faithfulness in my life over these past three years.

This week He has constantly been saying to me, “I am faithful. I am faithful. I am faithful.”

He hasn’t put me down so far…and I know that He will forever have me in His hands. Words can’t express all of the ways He has been showing me His faithfulness…from beautiful sunsets, heartfelt conversations with friends, new friendships that are beautifully brought together by Christ…

Tonight we stood again in campus church and they began to play “Great I Am.”  Tears immediately fell down my cheeks and all I could do was worship.

Because He knows.

He knew that tonight I’d be sharing my testimony with my prayer and life group. He knew that it’s been a long week. He knew that I needed a reminder that it’s okay to miss Paige, especially in this stage of life.

He knows that I need to be constantly reminded of the fact that I desperately need Him every moment, every hour, every minute of every day.  He knows that in a world that fails me, I need someone who is faithful no matter what.  He knows just how much I need Him, His love, His peace…

He knows how much I need my Father, the Great I Am, the One who is greater than any wave of affliction that comes my way, the One who calms every storm and brings us through the fire stronger than ever.

So tonight, in the early, early hours of September 24th, 2015…another 24th is going by and I miss my Paige just as much as I did the day she died.

But it’s another 24th where I’m saying to my Father, Thank You for Your faithfulness to me. Thank You for refining me and bringing me through the fire…and being faithful in every step of this story You’re writing for me. 

Jesus, I am in love with You.


Praise God that when we see trials, He sees testimony, when we see suffering, He sees the most challenging, beautiful, redeeming, grace-filled blessing.

Praise God that He is faithful…always.

Deuteronomy 31:6, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

~Bailey

Holding All Things

Graduating high school brings in a slew of emotions. Ask my friends, I'm not an emotional person but ever since the beginning of this semester I've been emotional on a whole new level.

Last Sunday I sat in Sunday School in the youth area for the last time. My youth pastor was praying afterwards and his first words were this, "Lord, thank You for these six years we've had together."

And I just about lost it.

Wednesday night I realized I only had two Wednesday nights left as a student in the youth ministry. But while Matt was preaching a verse that I had read a million times popped out at me...it was this:

Colossians 1:17, "And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."

When I'm emotional because my whole life is changing...that verse went straight to the deepest parts of my heart.

This was my train of thought driving home from church:

At the beginning of the year when my financial information wasn't coming through at Liberty and I felt as if maybe college just wasn't going to happen, maybe God had a different plan...

He was holding all things together.

When I was applying for scholarships and crying over essay topics I just didn't understand...

He was holding all things together.

In February when I went to visit Liberty and nothing was set in stone but I knew this was the place I wanted to spend the next four years of my life...

He was holding all things together.

Just weeks ago I spoke at a church about writing my book and my trip to Uganda. But my nerves were eating me alive and I was terrified...

He was holding all things together.

When life is overwhelming and frustrating...when I wanted someone to really talk to, someone who would listen and have the wisdom I needed, but my adopted big brother was in Brazil, my adopted big sister was in California...and the other sister passed away almost three years ago and I missed them so much that it hurt...

He was holding all things together even when it didn't seem like it.

How do I know? How can I be so sure?

Because when I needed that person to talk to, I got a text from Trent (that big brother in Brazil). I got the kind of text that really just said, "Hey, how's your life?" And I knew he wouldn't care if I poured my guts out. We texted back and forth and the tears rose over and over again.

When I went to speak at that church, the Lord gave me such peace and spoke through me as only He could.

Because when my financial information came through it was better than we could have ever imagined. The Lord provided and did it in His time...not mine. All of this is a whole post in itself.

In all of these things He proved to me exactly what that verse says, "in Him all things hold together."

Without Him, I would literally fall apart! My life would crash and burn...but no, in His great love, grace, and mercy, He chooses to hold my life together day in and day out, making sure everything happens exactly when it needs to.

I know, you probably hear that all the time and it probably sounds cliche. Because less than two months ago it sounded cliche to me, too.

But today I can assure you that my God is the One who is making sure the sun will set tonight, the stars (that He knows by name) will be in the right spots, the earth keeps spinning...is also the God who is executing every detail of your life, and mine, too.

So whatever you're waiting for, whatever you think just isn't going to happen, whatever you've lost hope for and are even doubting God about...know He's holding it all together.

Know He's got you and me and all of us in His hands and is very literally holding all things together.

I know at least for me, that is the greatest hope.

~Bailey

The Next Chapter

I wrote this post late last night...reflections on, well, I guess all of my life thus far.

- - - - -

Right now it is 11:35 and I should have been asleep an hour ago.

But just hours ago I got home from having my senior pictures taken. While I’ve already washed my face, my hair is still curled.  For a girl with stick straight hair, curls are too much fun.

My mind is spinning and I’m thinking a thousand things.


A glimpse into my thoughts?

Tonight I wore a dress that I felt beautiful in.  It’s one of the ones you can spin around in and feel five years old again.

As the photographer took my pictures tonight we were in the middle of the woods, bright green spring time colors all around us.  And it looked like a fairy tale…something straight out of a picture book I would have read as a little girl.

When I put on my second change of clothes, I had mom tie a bracelet on to my wrist and I forced my eyes to stay dry. It’s colors are faded and the ends are frayed from months of wear and tear. But Paige made it for me. And while I haven’t worn it in a while…tonight I needed to wear it. For her. And, well, for me, too. Because all of me wanted her to be a part of this: my senior year.

I posed for a picture with my most favorite journal in hand and my hot pink fountain pen: a gift from Trent and Sydney when I published my book. I can remember Sydney handing it to me the first time…signing book after book with it at my party. They’re in Brazil, but again…they should be a part, too.

And Amanda and Nick. Dad just finished visiting with them and so we send pictures to them all, wishing that California wasn’t so far away.


I can’t help but remember this last decade of schooling…the journey has been a story in itself.

It seems impossible that it was nearly 13 years since I was walking into my Kindergarten classroom for the first time, meeting Mrs. Riddle and still getting help to tie my shoes.

And somehow since then I went to camp for the first time. I got glasses. I helped with Summer with the Arts for the first time. I drove a car for the first time. I really wrote for the first time. I went to the movies- just me and the girls- for the first time.

There are sweet memories like my first day at Classical meeting Anna Gray and Brianna…competing in Bible Drill at church…countless summer days at the pool…reading Little Women for the first time and really falling in love with reading.

Then there are the not so great memories, too, like that haircut I got in sixth grade…getting over three dozen stitches (no more flash light tag for this girl!)…the very first disagreements with friends.

But as I look back at all of those firsts, I realize that many of the memories I’m making now are quite often…lasts.

This Sunday I’ll close out my last semester being a weekly teacher in children’s choir.

In a few short weeks I’ll have my last day of high school.

In August, I’ll have my last day of babysitting for my favorite families before heading off to school.


I’ve come to realize so very quickly that these are the last weeks of high school…these are my last weeks of youth ministry and all that comes with it…these are the last days before college.

While it seems bittersweet to look back on the lasts, I can only see it as the closing of one chapter…and the opening of a new one.

The day I walk on Liberty’s campus I will not only hold with me these memories and bring along the characters in my story, but I will turn the page a begin a new adventure: one that will be packed full of firsts, packed with sweet and not so sweet memories…and, one day, lasts as well.


So now it’s 11:55 and I’m totally going to get busted for staying up so late.

But, hey, these are my last weeks of high school, right? Might as well live them well and full.


Here’s to the best last 13 years a girl could ask for: to the best teachers, friends, parents…and everyone else…thanks for giving me a wonderful, magical, incredible 13 years.

And, most importantly, to my Jesus: the author of every first, every memory…and yes, every last in all of my 17 years. Thankfully He’s the author of this next chapter, too.

So it’s with a deep breath and a whole lot of His grace that I’m preparing to turn the page. Here’s to the next chapter.

~Bailey

*Photo credit to Rodney Slate//Autumn Song Photography*

On Goodbyes

**This is one of those mornings where I'm supposed to be doing school but my Bible study this morning applied SO directly to my life I just need to write about it. So here we go.**

Goodbyes.

Even if they're just temporary, there's something about them that pulls at your heartstrings until you feel as if there's nothing left. The tears rise and you feel that familiar burning in your throat growing as you dab at your eyes, trying to keep mascara from smearing.

I've had a lot of these in the past two years, more than I would like to remember.

The hardest goodbyes are the ones where you don't get to say goodbye- where the person leaves before you get a chance to wish them well, before you get to tell them how much you really did love them, how much you still love them.

Then there are the kind that are face to face. You embrace and cry and get to tell the person how much you love them, you wish them well and watch them load into the car. And then they drive off. You know it's harder for them than it is for you when a piece of your heart has just gone to live somewhere else.

Weeks crawl by and you wonder where they have gone and when they will be back, if they'll be back at all.

I can remember when my Paige died. My father held me and I cried, "I didn't get to say goodbye." Later in the day, I hugged a middle schooler at church and she said, "I just wish I could have said goodbye."

When my *adopted* big sister and brother-in-law moved to California last October, we stood on the front porch of the house they were staying in. Their eleven month old daughter was confused as could be about why everyone around her was crying, but we all knew. East coast to west coast is a long way away and Christmas didn't seem very close at all.

Just over a month ago, one of my dearest friends was leaving for college. Over the last six months we've become closer than ever and I dreaded the day when she would make the two hour drive and move into her dorm room at Gardner Webb University. We stood in the youth area after everyone else had left. Normally we are extremely sarcastic around each other but not that night. We wrapped our arms around each other, each of us about to lose it and said, "I love you, friend."

And in just a couple of days, I'll say another goodbye to two people who have become increasingly important in my life within the past year and a half. They are moving to Brazil to be missionaries and I couldn't be more excited to see what the Lord is going to do through them there. Trent has taken me in as his little sister, offering me more advice, love and encouragement than I ever deserved. Sydney has been faithful to text me when I'm having hard weeks and pray for me when I need it. I don't know how I'm going to make it without them around.

In my Bible study this morning, one statement stuck out to me. When I read it, I didn't think of it in context of the passage we were looking at. But in the context of goodbyes.

"Closeness carries risk."

Closeness carries the risk of telling the painful truth.

Closeness carries the risk of losing that person and the pain being unbearable.

Closeness carries the risk of long distance relationships, FaceTiming and Skyping.

Closeness carries the risk of goodbyes. 

And as hard as goodbyes might be...I wouldn't trade these relationships for anything.

I wouldn't trade the memories, the letters, the hugs, the encouraging texts and words...

I wouldn't trade it just because goodbyes hurt.

After all- closeness carries risk. We know going into a relationship that things could go wrong. But we also know that at some point, we'll have to say goodbye in one way or another.

As much as this hurts, we must remember- I must remember- that Christ calls us as the church to "admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone." (1 Thes. 5:14-15)

Even if it means a more painful goodbye in the end, let's make relationships, let's encourage one another, let's not take for granted one moment we have together...

Because it's all beautiful. It's all so beautiful. And it's all part of His plan, every single moment.

"And the only way to ever leave beauty marks on the world is with bits of yourself — and this will hurt. Things of realest beauty don’t bring us glory — but Him glory." {Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience}

~Bailey

Always Worth It.

Today is story time. This is not about my book. This is not about writing. This is a story of what God is doing and I had to share it in it's entirety.

Travel back with me eleven years ago. 

In the forefront of our story is a six year old girl with thin blonde hair and brown eyes, always tall for her age. She sat at basketball practice as the coach shared the story of salvation. This six year old's mind was churning knowing that she needed this Jesus in her life. When she got home, she went to her parents and told them what happened at basketball practice. That night that six year old little girl prayed to ask the Lord to be her Savior, to forgive her of her sins and to walk with her the rest of her life. 

Let's fast-forward two years. Around the age of eight, this little girl met a thirteen year old who was in her mom's Sunday School class. Her mom had taught a lot of Sunday School classes and she had met a lot of youth students. But this young girl, this wide-open, crazy about Jesus girl...she was different. 

You see, this thirteen year old made the little girl feel special. She made her feel loved. She showed this incredible love she knew from Jesus to the children around her. And this little blonde girl felt it, too. 

This eight year old and this thirteen year old grew older. As they grew older, they grew closer. Each year their relationship strengthened until the little girl, now thirteen years old considered this high school graduate one of her best friends. 

When she went off to college, this little blonde girl was broken hearted. But the friendship wasn't broken up by college. No, it was only strengthened and shared by two girls now entering a completely new and different phase of life. 

Every week or so, this little blonde girl would receive a letter in the mail from her friend off at school. Letters containing updates on classes and new friends being made. And they were precious to her, no one else was allowed to read them. She would write back telling her college aged friend all about life back at home- how the family was and how her little sister from Rwanda was growing up so quickly. 

Each summer they spent many days together, celebrating the small and big things, like finishing driver's ed and VBS and SWTA. 

That is until this little girl's college age friend passed away. At twenty years old, she had made such a big impact on this almost fifteen year old. No, she would not be forgotten. Her faith and her life would make an impact on all of those she knew- including this fifteen year old. 

About this time, this blonde headed fifteen year old met a seven year old little girl. Her name was Haley and she had brown hair and freckles. This fifteen year old loved this seven year old and she immediately knew: this is my chance. This is my chance to love someone like she loved me. 

So she did. This fifteen year old and this seven year old also grew older. As they grew older they grew closer. When our main character turned sixteen and got her license, she took Haley out for her birthday and made her feel special...hopefully like her dearest friend had done for her. 

When she went away to the beach for a couple of weeks, she wrote to Haley and asked her how things were at home, just like her friend had done for her. She told her to be the young lady God had created her to be, just like her friend had done for her. She told her to chase God with all of her heart and not miss the incredible opportunities He had for her, just like her friend had done for her. 

And when Haley came running up to me before Sunday School today, telling me she had gone forward in church to let everyone know she had the Lord as her Savior and she wanted to be baptized...my eyes filled with tears and my heart soared. 

Because I was able to love my Haley like Paige loved me. I was able to encourage her and hug her and tell her how incredibly proud I was of her just like Paige had done for me. 

All because at six years old I trusted in the Lord as my Savior. Because some things only happen when Christ is in the lead. And today I realized that Paige and Haley and the relationships with so many other children at church only take place because of Him and my reconciled relationship to Him. 

Oh how thankful I am for the love that He shows each of us...this love that I am also able to show my Haley and my Sonia and all of my other kids at church. 

Today I was overwhelmed with gratefulness to be able to love for Him and because of Him. I was grateful for the joy on Haley's face when she told me about her decision. I was grateful for the way Sonia loves to tell me about her day and her friends in Sunday School. I was grateful for every bit of it. 

Most of all I was grateful for His love for me, each and every day that enables me to love others even when it seems impossible. 

So love those around you with the biggest love you can imagine. Today I saw that it is always worth it.

~Bailey (that blonde haired six year old.)

P.S. My sweet Haley, I am SO very proud of you and the beautiful young lady the Lord is shaping you to be. Keep pursuing Him and loving Him all of the days of your life. I love you so, so, SO much. Thanks for being my friend. I can't wait for all of the memories we will continue to make. Have I mentioned I'm proud of you? 

Redeemer.

You've probably seen it on Facebook or Instagram by now...

Yes, it's true.

I'm officially published!

For I Know the Plans is available on Amazon in paperback form and Kindle edition.

It was a bittersweet day, July 24th, 2014.

As I approved my very last proof copy online, my dad was sitting beside me entering all of the technical information so that it could be sold and I would receive royalties.

"It seems very appropriate that your book is being published on July 24th."

Tears brimmed and I clicked, Okay. My book was published. Just like that. I was a published author. A smile quickly spread across my face.

For those of you who don't know, two years ago on July 24th, 2012 we lost a dear friend completely unexpectedly. She didn't wake up and we didn't get to say goodbye.

She was my closest spiritual mentor, and though she was five years older than me, she was one of my very best friends.

This book is dedicated to her. It is dedicated to not only the impact she made on my life, but to the impact she made on the lives of the other children at our church as well. Because our Paige Elizabeth will never be forgotten.

So on Amazon it says, "Paperback, July 24, 2014."

And I am still in awe of how my Jesus has redeemed this date.

As we approached the 24th of July this year, the knot of dread in my stomach only grew. I dreaded the grief that I knew would come. I dreaded the memories and the fact that I would have to acknowledge another year's passing without her. I talked about all of this with my mom and my friend, Courtney.

But it didn't take away the raw hurt.

I woke up on the 24th, tired as usual (still recovering from mono) and pushed through a headache that was slowly coming on. I had to get to Summer With the Arts. I needed to love on those kids.

I got to church and I was filled with this joy that only the Lord could bring. All day I played with the kids. When I returned home that night I was quite exhausted but could think about only one thing: I've got to get the books ordered for my party. 

So my dad sat down with me and made it happen.

That's when it clicked, "Today's the 24th."

And I sat in awe of what God had done.

He had it planned to redeem the 24th for me all this time.

I used my gift in order to glorify my God. I dedicated this book to her long before I even started this crazy publishing process, long before this summer got crazy. I believed my God had big things in store.

Little did I know He had the 24th in mind.

But I am so thankful that He did.

While it still won't be an easy day, it won't be as hard anymore either. Because my God is full of redemption even on the darkest of days. 


Obviously, I'd love for you to read my book. You can find it here: For I Know the Plans

If you live in the area and will be in town, I'd love for you to join me in celebrating this occasion.

August 9th, 2014 from 2:00pm-5:00pm at Rich Fork Baptist Church(MPB lobby).

Books will be available and I will be signing them there($10 a copy).

There will be cupcakes and other snacks along with a shoe cutting party for Sole Hope.

Buy the book and spread the word on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter (I'm on all three!).

Thanks again for reading, can't wait to see what you think about the book!

~Bailey

Write my story.

I sat reading Little Women on the front porch swing of my grandmother's house. It's a white, wooden swing with red pillows. The weather was just perfect, the sun was setting. We were enjoying the first watermelon of the season and my fingers were sticky- but not enough to keep me from turning pages.

I've read this book twice already, but isn't that what defines a classic? Being able to read it over and over again- still learning something new every time.

J-man sat beside me and I closed my eyes and smile.

The image that fills my mind is this:

Being married and having (at least!) two or three daughters. We'll sit in the living room in our cozy home, whether it's in the U.S. or Africa, and I'll be reading Little Women out loud to them. When Beth dies we will cry together and my husband will have to read for me. When Jo rejects Laurie's marriage proposal we'll be angry together. When Daisy and Demi are born we'll be so happy tears may fall again. And in the end when Marmee tells her girls that she wishes them "every happiness" they'll ask me to read it again.

I live in that moment and I dream, writing a part of my story.

~~~~~

As I sat finishing my book series(the one I promise I'll blog about) and as they finally got engaged I had another image filling my mind.

Something every girl dreams of quite often...

This picture played out something like this:

Meeting the man God has picked out for me- the man who will protect me, lead me and love me through Christ's love. The man who won't mind having half a dozen kids, half of which are chocolate babies from Africa. Anyway...he'll have bought a ring and after asking my father's permission, ask me to be his wife- to love each other everyday ahead of us and walk in His will. Somehow, he will have picked out the perfect time and place- the one that fulfills the dreams I'm typing out right now.

I live in another moment and I dream, writing a part of my story.

~~~~~

We find out that (as of now) we don't have a tutor for my class next year- my senior year.

A part of my story crumbles.

There are other options but Classical has always been IT. It's been the thing I've dreamed of finishing and in the end being able to say, "I went all the way through Challenge IV." (If you're in Challenge you know how big of a deal this is.)

My disappointment is strong, but my Jesus is stronger. 

MY plans aren't working out. I'm a planner- it was all supposed to work out the way I wanted it to.

But it's not. And it's killing me.

Those dreams of being married and having daughters seem so far off.

They might be far off, but my Jesus is always near. 

I'm making progress with my book- slowly but surely. My plans of becoming a teacher and moving to Rwanda/Uganda are still there, still a calling...but what about this writing thing? What am I supposed to do with this?

Things may not be super clear, but my Jesus has a plan. 

And that is what I whisper to myself over and over...and over and over again: My Jesus has a plan! 

College is in the future. Decisions are being made, something I'm quite terrible at.

All I want is to know what's in store. To know what He has planned.

But, my friends, that takes away the adventure. It would take away all the fun!

He wants to surprise me.

1 Corinthians 2:9, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him...”

It's hard for me especially because I write stories. I construct plots and I get to figure out what happens in the end. I get to see if he'll get the girl or if everything will turn out alright before anyone else. And I love it.

But in my story nothing is up to me.

As I told a friend tonight, "There are all these options and part of me is so thankful that it's not all up to me! Thank the Lord that He knows what He's doing."

I had never meant anything more in my life.

Right now I don't even know what next semester will look like, much less the next five, ten years!

But the Lord knows exactly what he's doing.

He knows that each day that goes by is preparing me for something that I can't begin to imagine.

So while I write stories, I've decided to let God write mine.

He's done an amazing job so far.

And to think that some of the best days of our lives haven't even happened yet! 

~Bailey

Celebrate. And Live.

Today you are 22. And as Dr. Seuss would say, "Today you are you-er than you!"

If you were here I'd have sent you a tender birthday card to add to the pile of letters we had sent over the past two years.

If you were here I'd call and we'd sing "22" at the top of our lungs, laughing at the end.

If you were here we'd have sent you a birthday in a box like we did your sophomore year.

If you were here...

But you're not.

And today that hits like a brick.

Today on your birthday I wish you were here.

I wish you were here so we could laugh about the craziness that is my life. 

I wish you were here so we could text all the time.

I wish you were here so we could send letters and have our special days.

I wish you were here so you could see my book published. 

But you're not. 

Today you wouldn't want me to be sad.

You would want me to live abundantly for Him.

So that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I'm going let today bring healing.

I'm going to let our Savior refresh me in His grace, step by step.

And I'm going to celebrate you by LIVING.

I miss you. A lot.

Happy 22nd birthday, Paige Elizabeth.

I love you, dear friend.

~Bailey Elizabeth