LU: Year One

The shelves are growing bare as I pack my Rubbermaid tubs and suitcases full of picture frames and clothes and books.

All but one of my finals have been taken, my classes finished & assignments complete. Thank you’s have been given to my professors. Books returned to the bookstore.

I’ve already said goodbye to friends who left before me. My dad has already taken the majority of my stuff home.

I didn’t think I’d be sad about the semester ending, about the school year coming to a close.

But Liberty, you’ve surprised me this year.

This year…

I can’t even begin to put into words all that this year has been.

It’s been hard, no doubt. Really, really hard. I’ve missed home and my church and my friends and my family. I’ve struggled through assignments and gotten really bad grades. I’ve cried on the phone with my mom. I’ve been sick away from home- which is basically the worst…ever. I’ve struggled spiritually in ways I didn’t think I would, especially at Liberty. I’ve dealt with friendship drama. God has said no to so many things. Yes, it’s been difficult.

But, my gosh. It’s been so rewarding.

I’ve made more friends than I ever thought I would.

I’ve had professors who not only taught me with excellence, but cared about me and my life.

I’ve stayed up until 3am laughing with friends and talking about anything and everything.

I’ve spent Sunday nights with a leadership team of ten girls who are crazy for Jesus.

I’ve had the best spiritual and life mentors a girl could ask for in my RA’s and SLC’s.

I’ve cried happy tears when my dad surprised me by coming for lunch when I was having one of those hard days.

I’ve laughed…and laughed…and laughed some more with girls who have become like family to me.

I’ve spent time with my family, and it’s been extra sweet and meaningful now that I’m not with them all the time.

I’ve studied and made up for those bad grades, and more than that, I’ve learned SO much.

I’ve taken English classes where God has reminded me just how much I love literature and history and seeing how the two connect. Education classes that made me thrilled to teach and have my own classroom one day. Geography classes where we had fun learning about the world. Communications classes where God took a class that I was dreading and gave me so many great friendships and times of immense fun.

And yes, I’ve struggled spiritually.

But I’ve also grown by leaps and bounds in ways that I still don’t even fully comprehend.

I’ve learned to trust my Jesus through the up’s and down’s of daily life. To lean into Him when I really can’t make it one more breath without Him. To believe in who He is and know Him personally, not just know about Him. To let Him heal me, even when it hurts at first. To believe that He will keep His promises because He is faithful…even when I am faithless. To see and trust that He will bring me out of the desert and onto the mountaintop where I can see His grace in my every step…because I’ve seen and felt Him do it before.

Tears sit in my eyes tonight as I write this, because I simply cannot believe this year – my freshman year of college – is over. It went by in an instant, a beautiful, challenging, incredible, unforgettable instant.

So thank you…

To my professors for teaching me and guiding me in the Lord and in every subject you’ve taught.

To my people back home (my friends, my church, you know who you are) for supporting me and encouraging me and sending me endless letters (which made me smile so very often).

To my family: my mom and dad, brothers and sister, grandparents and aunts and uncles, for sending me texts (and pound cake!!) and calling and checking in on your favorite granddaughter ;) your love, visits, and support means more than you’ll ever know. Seriously.

To every single one of my friends at Liberty for being the best…ever. For making me laugh, for cheering me up when I’m sad, for being my family away from home. For being there. You’ve helped me fill this year with some of my very favorite memories…I can’t wait to make more.

To Liberty University for being so much more than I ever thought it would be. This time here (and over the next three years) has been and will be incredible. And I wouldn’t want to be any where else experiencing this chapter in my life.

And to my Jesus, for pulling me back to Him every time I stray even just a little bit and for keeping me in tune with Him every step of the way.

As I close out freshman year and head home for a summer with some of my favorite people, I am so so so thankful. And I cannot wait to see what sophomore year has in store.

If it’s anything like this year, then I know I’m in for a fantastic ride.

~Bailey

On Goodbyes

**This is one of those mornings where I'm supposed to be doing school but my Bible study this morning applied SO directly to my life I just need to write about it. So here we go.**

Goodbyes.

Even if they're just temporary, there's something about them that pulls at your heartstrings until you feel as if there's nothing left. The tears rise and you feel that familiar burning in your throat growing as you dab at your eyes, trying to keep mascara from smearing.

I've had a lot of these in the past two years, more than I would like to remember.

The hardest goodbyes are the ones where you don't get to say goodbye- where the person leaves before you get a chance to wish them well, before you get to tell them how much you really did love them, how much you still love them.

Then there are the kind that are face to face. You embrace and cry and get to tell the person how much you love them, you wish them well and watch them load into the car. And then they drive off. You know it's harder for them than it is for you when a piece of your heart has just gone to live somewhere else.

Weeks crawl by and you wonder where they have gone and when they will be back, if they'll be back at all.

I can remember when my Paige died. My father held me and I cried, "I didn't get to say goodbye." Later in the day, I hugged a middle schooler at church and she said, "I just wish I could have said goodbye."

When my *adopted* big sister and brother-in-law moved to California last October, we stood on the front porch of the house they were staying in. Their eleven month old daughter was confused as could be about why everyone around her was crying, but we all knew. East coast to west coast is a long way away and Christmas didn't seem very close at all.

Just over a month ago, one of my dearest friends was leaving for college. Over the last six months we've become closer than ever and I dreaded the day when she would make the two hour drive and move into her dorm room at Gardner Webb University. We stood in the youth area after everyone else had left. Normally we are extremely sarcastic around each other but not that night. We wrapped our arms around each other, each of us about to lose it and said, "I love you, friend."

And in just a couple of days, I'll say another goodbye to two people who have become increasingly important in my life within the past year and a half. They are moving to Brazil to be missionaries and I couldn't be more excited to see what the Lord is going to do through them there. Trent has taken me in as his little sister, offering me more advice, love and encouragement than I ever deserved. Sydney has been faithful to text me when I'm having hard weeks and pray for me when I need it. I don't know how I'm going to make it without them around.

In my Bible study this morning, one statement stuck out to me. When I read it, I didn't think of it in context of the passage we were looking at. But in the context of goodbyes.

"Closeness carries risk."

Closeness carries the risk of telling the painful truth.

Closeness carries the risk of losing that person and the pain being unbearable.

Closeness carries the risk of long distance relationships, FaceTiming and Skyping.

Closeness carries the risk of goodbyes. 

And as hard as goodbyes might be...I wouldn't trade these relationships for anything.

I wouldn't trade the memories, the letters, the hugs, the encouraging texts and words...

I wouldn't trade it just because goodbyes hurt.

After all- closeness carries risk. We know going into a relationship that things could go wrong. But we also know that at some point, we'll have to say goodbye in one way or another.

As much as this hurts, we must remember- I must remember- that Christ calls us as the church to "admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone." (1 Thes. 5:14-15)

Even if it means a more painful goodbye in the end, let's make relationships, let's encourage one another, let's not take for granted one moment we have together...

Because it's all beautiful. It's all so beautiful. And it's all part of His plan, every single moment.

"And the only way to ever leave beauty marks on the world is with bits of yourself — and this will hurt. Things of realest beauty don’t bring us glory — but Him glory." {Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience}

~Bailey