Wednesday, July 2, 2014

I look to You.

I wake up with that sharp pain in my head. Right there in my temple, slowly making it's way all over my head.

After taking some medicine, I crawl back in bed, waiting for relief.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks now.

This reoccurring pain comes throughout the day, knocking me out with each blow.

And yes, I'm discouraged.

Discouraged that I had to miss a birthday party on Saturday.

Discouraged that I had to miss church on Sunday because I slept right through it.

Discouraged that I had to cancel babysitting some of my favorite kiddos twice this week because I simply didn't feel up to it.

Discouraged that I missed a meeting to design the cover for my book with my youth pastor.

I'm discouraged. And I'm frustrated. And right now, I'm not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish I knew when this season would be over...when the pain would come to a halt.

I want to stand at the top of this mountain and look down into the valley and say, "Thank you Lord for being faithful and bringing me through."

Because the valley is never a fun place to be.

But in all of the cancelled plans and days of rest at home...I've had time to do just that.

To rest. To be.

And as frustrating as it is, I think He's trying to show me something.

I think He wants me to take some time every once and a while...or every be still and know that He is God.

I think He wants me to use this summer to be refreshed and renewed in His Presence, no matter what's going on around me.

Today I got another one of Ann Voskamp's daily e-mail encouragements. The title caught me off guard: What you have to do to come to peace with this season in life. It's written by Emily Freeman.

"In long light, in deep darkness, and in all the layers of shadow in between, Christ came first and holds us together even when change comes rolling through.

And so we welcome this new season, whatever it may bring, because we must, because to press on as we have been doing hurts too much.

Instead of fighting the changes and the transitions —

what if we leaned into them instead?"

What if I stopped trying to fight this pain and tried to learn from it instead?

What if I stopped asking God "why?" and leaned into His grace instead?

What if on these days of being at home I stopped moping around and spent time in His Presence instead?

I know it would make a difference.

I also know that my God is good and He is Healer.

And while I wait for the pain to pass, while I wait to be on top of this mountain, I will continue to trust and hope in my Great God who will help me lean into His grace day by day.

My God, I will look to You. And I will know that You alone are God.


“Be still, and know that I am God.
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth!”
Psalm 46:10

*The headaches are hereditary migraines passed down from both my mom and dad. While being a Bowers is fantastic- the migraines are not!*

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